r/MurderedByWords
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u/BarryApps84
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6d ago
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When a "burn" actually leaves your skin feeling better
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u/saeres 6d ago
Tucker seems to still be reeling after the crossfire interview.
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u/shadow1515 6d ago
Maybe it's time for Jon to just murder him in front of the camera again.
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u/Dxxx2 5d ago
We're talking figuratively, right?
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u/bourbonstew 5d ago
Only because Tucker isn’t worth any kind of sacrifice by any real person.
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u/PhishinLine 5d ago
He never wore a bow tie after that segment.
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u/Ihateyouranecdotes39 5d ago
Oh my God, that's delicious. Is that guest appearance really what motivated Tucker to give up the bowtie?!?
I want to believe.
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u/Affectionate-Time646 5d ago
Tucker did change his whole media persona shtick after that. He was no longer the smiley, happy, laughing country bumpkin wholesome guy. He turned into an angry, yelling, propaganda spewing mouthpiece. It’s worked well and for him.
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u/squeezrfoam 6d ago
Sounds like Jon has been living in Tucker’s head rent free ever since that interview.
16 years by my count.
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u/ravengenesis1 6d ago
PTSD is a life long mental illness if left untreated.
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u/sinlightened 5d ago
Tucky must be on those VA benefits
Jk, that asshat's never served anything but bullshit
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u/LumpyJones 5d ago
The man retired his (up until that point) signature bow ties after Stewart mocked them. The Salisbury Steak heir is fragile.
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u/Kyocus 5d ago
I see people asking for a link. https://youtu.be/aFQFB5YpDZE
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u/CapgrasDelusion 5d ago
"It'd be hard to top this group."
Woooooo buddy. Hello from the future.
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u/likeaLivingdrug 5d ago
He murdered them! Ole Tuck got all butt hurt and threw a tantrum.. I love it!
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u/InsuranceToTheRescue 6d ago
Too short to date? Is that an actual insult? Holy shit, Cucker must have had to scrape the bottom of the barrel for that one.
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u/SNStains 6d ago
He has no goddamn barrel. Rich brats are the least funny people on the planet.
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u/mknsky 6d ago
Not to mention Jon's been married for like 20 something years.
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u/c3ratopsvotech 6d ago
I was just thinking about that. Seems like his spouse would be the bigger issue than his height…
Edit:spelling, b/c i am neurotic
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u/Minion_of_Cthulhu 6d ago
You say that as if assholes like Tucker would see that as a reason to not have a girlfriend or three on the side.
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u/TheBirminghamBear 5d ago
He's been in a comitted marriage for 20 years and has two children.
Meanwhile the orange pants-shitting imbecile Tucker has worshipped at the feet of for the last 7 years has been divorced three fucking times, paid a pornstar to fuck him, and walks around in heels to appear taller while smearing orange makeup on his face like the world's ugliest clown to hide the fact he's old and has aged very badly.
Fuck these people.
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u/PhoKit2 6d ago
I’ve been told that many times. It used to bother me. Not anymore
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u/Author_Proxy 6d ago
I'm 5'4" and never had any trouble. Of the two exes who don't hate me, one is my height and the other was much taller. Like 6'2". There's something so sexy about a woman who towers over me like that.
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u/wildwildwaste 6d ago
Snoo snoo?
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u/Author_Proxy 6d ago
Lots of snu snu. Just not in the shower. Nearly breaking my dick with her butt when she slipped and fell on me engenders a kind of trauma.
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u/InsuranceToTheRescue 6d ago
Standing doggy or get swole and pick her up. I imagine, just like tall women are hot for you, that that would be hot for her since it so rarely happens.
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u/Author_Proxy 6d ago
It was standing doggy, and at the time I could pick her up. She had to crouch down so our bits matched up and an enthusiastic thrust on my part made her slip and almost break my dick. I've been wary of shower sex ever since.
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u/AwesomeAni 6d ago
Most of the guys I date are a couple inches shorter than me.
I'd rather smell their head than their armpits haha
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u/Corgi_Koala 6d ago
Stewart has been married for literally over 20 years and is almost 60. I feel like he doesn't give a fuck how dateable he is.
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u/bauhausy 5d ago
… while still being ridiculously dateable. Handsome fox that is in shape, aging gracefully and not trying to hide it, actually fights for what he stands for, has a well known heart of gold and is funny? Tracey McShane is a lucky woman.
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u/ZQuestionSleep 5d ago
"Too short to date" to a married guy? This seems like something from Bob's Burgers where Jimmy Pesto stammers out a stupid, nonsensical insult and says, "Well... well I bet no one would date you!"
And Bob either calmly dead pans, "Well, I would hope so. I'm married." or crazily yelling with his voice cracking, "MY WIFE DATES ME!"
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u/manncameron 6d ago edited 5d ago
Imagine being upset about helping vets that you attack physical looks of others. That’s when you know Jon won haha
Edit: grammar. Physics to physical
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u/fusters81l 6d ago
What's worse is he attacked Jon Stewart while also insulting veterans and the homeless.
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u/RockItGuyDC 6d ago
And the vertically challenged. His insults have some real grade school energy to them.
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u/highbrowshow 6d ago
This reminds me of something i heard a long time ago. When someone starts attacking your appearance, you know they have no argument
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u/RockItGuyDC 6d ago
It's very true. Unfortunately it's so frustrating to know just how many millions of adults out there just don't care, though, as long as it's their team doing the attacking.
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u/APence 6d ago
On the highest watched show on the most watched “news” network in America.
We’re fucking doomed and we deserve it.
The fact that vomit pile of hate, bile, and fear is not only a show that still gets viewers and sponsors but also that that bow tie wearing racist twerp is a legitimate contender for the presidency is a goddamn travesty.
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u/Clohossey 6d ago
Don't forget his writers keep turning out to be nazis.
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u/Feldar 6d ago
Wait, people write that shit? That self-contradictory word vomit is intentionally prepared ahead of time? By actual humans? I assumed it was stream of consciousness from Fucker Tarlson's demented brain.
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u/Brianocity 6d ago
See, that's why you shouldn't assume. Tucker doesn't have a brain, demented or otherwise. Just a gerbil running on a little wheel. When he stops blathering is when the gerbil is resting, that's when the slack jawed blank stare of a lobotomite in a suit comes out.
That gerbil is the hardest worker at all of Fox "News" by a mile, and no one ever gives the poor little guy credit.
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u/Clohossey 6d ago
Nope, you gotta be careful with your wording so you can get your dog whistles in while still having public deniability. One quick example
Edit: forgot how to hyperlink
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u/odin_the_wiggler 6d ago
The writer's room for Tucker Carlson and the HQ for Patriot Front are the same place.
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u/Wohholyhell 6d ago
Please. He's too busy depositing checks to worry about such mundane trivialities.
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u/Bombocat 6d ago
Now now, he doesn't wear bowties anymore
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u/Deathspiral222 6d ago
On the highest watched show on the most watched “news” network in America.
Almost no one watches TV any more. The only ones that do are mostly in their seventies. Tucker Carlson averages about three million viewers. That's far less than 1% of America and yet this is the number one show on the number one network?
Compare that to someone like Joe Rogan who averages four times that many listeners per episode.
Boasting about TV ratings in 2022 is like boasting about how popular your gramaphone record sales are. No one gives a shit any more and every single day those numbers decrease as the core audience dies off.
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u/SparksThirteenFour 6d ago
It may not seem like much at the moment, but the damage wrought by that fascist propaganda channel over the last 30 years is immeasurable...remember that for most of its existence, it was the preferred medium.
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u/mrbubblesort 5d ago
It may not seem like much at the moment
Bush & Trump presidency, Iraq war, Jan 6th, Covid response ... lol jesus dude, what future world are you in where that's "not much"? I'm scared :P
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u/haerski 6d ago
Tucker Carlson averages about three million viewers....Joe Rogan who averages four times that many listeners per episode.
And therein lies the problem
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u/Deathspiral222 6d ago
Both are peddlers of nonsense but only one of them lists their profession as "comedian".
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u/Hekidayo 6d ago
And when the rest of us watch this unfold from the outside of the United States, we wonder if there’s anything that can be done from the inside. It’s like a dumpster fire that just keeps getting worse…
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u/dumb_smart_guy93 6d ago
Honestly he's probably still super salty that Jon got his show on CNN cancelled 15 years ago and made fun of his bowtie. On a side note, Jon is aging about as normally as person would expect. He's got the same lines and wrinkles as my dad who is about the same age and he still looks pretty healthy. The insecure one is Tucker who needs to keep dying his hair and getting Botox while in his 50s.
I will never not enjoy this:
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u/Pscilosopher 6d ago
That was worth the 14 minute watch. Stewart is better off the dome than most comics' written material.
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u/untitled13 6d ago
Thought the same thing, he’s still numb from the waist down from getting absolutely reamed by Jon all those years ago.
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u/Courageous_Chameleon 6d ago
He has to maintain the look of a haunted ventriloquist's puppet. It's his brand.
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u/TuftedWitmouse 6d ago
Why in the world would you pick a fight with Jon Stewart? Let me know who digs up Cucker Tarlson.
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u/warbeforepeace 6d ago
The same prick who talks about how everyone else is unqualified or not had a real job so they can’t talk about energy, the economy and other things. This jackass failed out of school and became a shorty journalist until he found the only network that would take him.
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u/mtnmadness84 5d ago
Yeah that was my thought. Why you’d put yourself in a good comedian’s crosshairs is beyond me. Well—self flagellation is all I can come up with. Now I’m sure Tucker’s got a secret humiliation fetish. Only logical explanation.
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u/ThePopeofHell 5d ago
This has nothing to do with veterans. Jon Stewart could cure every illness tomorrow and Tucker would be on tv later that day questioning “..but what about the doctors, Jon?”
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u/The_R4ke 6d ago
This also makes it sound like Tucker Carlson dates men, which is fine, but probably not what he was going for.
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u/TheMooseIsBlue
6d ago
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Just to catch everyone up on this story, conservatives are ripping Jon Stewart for fighting for the rights of gay, communist, antifa, non-GMO, organic avocado-toast eating, millennial pedophiliac, abortion doctors.
Oh wait, no. It was veterans. Stewart was helping veterans.
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u/pikpikcarrotmon 6d ago •
To them, veterans are soldiers who outlived their usefulness.
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u/Feisty-Donkey 6d ago
Why is this so true
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u/Jasper455 6d ago
Because it is the party of I: meaning everything is viewed as to how it impacts them, specifically. A soldier can keep them safe, a veteran costs them money. A fetus must be protected, unless it is their fetus… etc.
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u/The_Space_Jamke 5d ago
And yet Republicans wonder why army recruitment is dipping. It couldn't be that forever wars are super unpopular because young men and women have been treated as meat shields on the field and tossed onto the streets after they come off it for the last century.
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u/CoolPatioBro 5d ago
But ... But .... Thank you for your service?! That's the best we can do for veterans!
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u/523bucketsofducks 5d ago
A fetus is innocent, but once it is born it has sin according to these braindead fuckclowns. That's why the religious fucks won't help anyone.
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u/I_kickflipped_my_dog 6d ago
Because, my sweet summer babe, they are no longer a talking point for their cause.
Also oil.
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u/WhyBuyMe 6d ago
"I like soldiers who weren't poisoned by giant toxic clouds billowing off the flaming trash piles the US has scattered across Iraq and Afghanistan.
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u/Kaminohanshin 6d ago
An actual former US marine described veterans and soldiers as 'Disposable Heroes' and its honestly an apt description. Put them on and throw them off when you're done with them.
(iirc I think it was one of MikeBurnFire's campfire stories where he and his army vet buddy were talking about their times serving?)
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u/philintheup 6d ago
Not entirely fair. We also make excellent props for photo ops and parades so they can fool their constituents into believing they care about veterans.
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u/warbeforepeace 6d ago edited 5d ago
Tucker is just angry John Stewart made all his friends look stupid. He did it without even calling him stupid. He did something that Tucker is unfamiliar with. He used facts to explain why they are horrible instead of factless name calling.
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u/Sasquatch-d 6d ago
Conservatives are just stockpiling the libs with quality election ads at this point. How much worse can you look than high-fiving about fucking veterans?
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u/JustinHopewell 6d ago
I don't even know what you can say on an election ad to dissuade right wing voters at this point. They fucking made Donald Trump the president of the United States, tried to do it a second time, and then tried to overturn the election when he lost. All that for a piece of shit wannabe dictator practically covered from head to toe in red flags.
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u/Sasquatch-d 6d ago
It’s hard to believe but even during the 2020 election there were swaths of undecided voters who are easily swayed by ads put out by politicians. Some people just don’t keep up with current events, even in the craziest political timeline in our lifetimes.
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u/SexyCheeseburger0911 6d ago
I remember when conservatives still pretended to care about veterans who they weren't related to.
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u/Express-Accountant75 5d ago
I always find it ironic how much conservatives love Rambo. I don’t think they know what it’s about.
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u/Qubeye 6d ago edited 5d ago
Not just* veterans. Veterans who actively served in Afghanistan and Iraq during the wars and are disabled.
(I am a veteran and I am in no way trying to qualify or undermine Jon's work, I just feel compelled to point out that this is an exceptional, particular group he's helping.)
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u/Ok_Faithlessness_259 5d ago
I think you just worded it strangely. I think people thought you were saying that he wasn't trying to help veterans at all when in fact you were trying to say that not only was trying to help veterans, but disabled ones.
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u/tmbmad 6d ago
I think tucker is still just bitter because of the lashing he took from John on crossfire, John ruined tuckers career in one night, and it took the ridiculousness of fox viewers to bring him back.
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u/twohourangrynap 6d ago
He’s still upset about the bow ties.
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u/Minion_of_Cthulhu 6d ago
You should never come between a man and his bow ties, or between a sentient slime mold and its bow ties in Tucker's case.
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u/twohourangrynap 6d ago edited 5d ago
I just imagine him strolling into his walk-in closet and past his rack of bow ties. Out of habit, he reaches a hand toward one, then stops. He clenches his hand into a fist and hangs his head, squeezing his eyes shut.
“Damn you, Jon Stewart,” he whispers hoarsely; “damn you to hell.”
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u/IWearBones138 6d ago
Tucker really shouldn't talk when it looks like his mother still dresses him every morning.
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u/ManeSix1993 6d ago
It's funny that you say that, because his mother died, and only left him and his brother $1 in her will 😂
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u/AgentUnknown821 6d ago
That's what you are required to do while making up your wills so people like Tucker can't contest it in court.
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u/Minion_of_Cthulhu 6d ago
That's terrible. He deserved more than that. Something like "$1 and the contents of my beloved Fluffy's litter box."
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u/CactusBathtub 6d ago
Yeah that's actually exactly what you do. To avoid a will or trust being contested, you specifically state that the person you don't want getting anything recieves $1. That way when the estate disperses that idiot won't be able to tie it up in court by saying that Mommy obviously forgot about him since she left him entirely out of the document.
Fuck Tucker.
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u/icansmellcolors 6d ago edited 5d ago
Tucker got his original show, Crossfire, taken out by Stewart back in 04'. Back when Tucky wore bowties because he thought it made him look conservative.
https://uproxx.com/viral/jon-stewarts-tucker-carlson-2004-crossfire/
He's had it out for John ever since.
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u/azthemansays 6d ago
Stewart burned Tucker so badly that he never wore a bow tie again... Good times.
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u/kryptonianCodeMonkey 5d ago
I love that the audience that came to watch a Crossfire taping so presumably actually likes the show was losing it with applause and laughter over Jon's unyielding criticism and honesty
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u/static1053 6d ago
To short to date? Are the Republicans just made completely out of 13 year old boys?
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u/Squirrel009 5d ago
I aspire to be as civil and generous as you are when estimating the intelligence and maturity of the average Republican
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u/balloonslayer47 6d ago
I think Jon Stewart being married is keeping him from dating rather than his height. But that's just me.
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u/dman928 6d ago
His wife is Tracy McShane. Yeah, he's slumming it. /s
Fucker Carlson is what you get when a country club toilet becomes sentient
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u/Lunarshotlabs 6d ago
yo this is my favorite dunk on Carlson yet. Thanks for the laugh on a Friday afternoon.
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u/aManPerson 6d ago
i knew he was married. didn't know her name. just looked her up. she seems like a normal person, involved with veterinarian things (and other animal rights stuff). not slumming it at all, but she seems like a pretty normal person. he's not married to a celebrity, but i'm guessing he's pretty happy with her since he's not married to a celebrity. and since it hasn't fallen apart in some big scandal or anything, i'm guessing they have a very fullfilling time with each other.
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u/GloomyAd2653 6d ago
I find that Jon is an extremely good looking gentleman. He shows his age, which is natural. Besides the physical, he has a beautiful soul.
Tuck would be lucky to grace the bottom of Jon’s shoes.
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u/FishyBricky 5d ago
Many women would fuck John Stewart, myself included. He’s handsome, funny, smart, and kind.
Tucker on the other hand…🦗
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u/SarcasticSilvenstar 6d ago
I briefly met him in person back in 2001, when my ship was in NYC. He's a really nice guy and even let the group of us take a pic on the Daily Show set.
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u/Crash665 6d ago
If there is one person I wouldn't try to one up, it's Jon Stewart.
Also, fuck Tucker Carlson
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u/Bahmerman 6d ago
What does John Stewart give a shit about being "date-able"? Isn't he married with two kids?
Edit: I mean, Google says he's still married with 2 kids.
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u/IWearBones138 6d ago
Appareances. That's what Tucker is attacking. Literally how a person looks. These are grown ass adults throwing around grade school insults.
"Yeah well, you're ugly. And short, fartknocker."
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u/phleck7 6d ago
I never feel bad when anyone is making fun of Tucky. In my mind’s eye he will always be a little trust-fund kid with a bow tie. I was seriously astonished when I found out his height but he will always be that twerp with that expression of ‘duh’ with his head tilted…. Don’t battle wits with John Stuart, boy.
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u/Heliocentrist 6d ago
Tucky looks like a kid wondering how you pulled that coin out of his ear
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u/Minion_of_Cthulhu 6d ago
Except that instead of being astonished by it he's pissed off that he can't figure out how you did it and is in the process of deciding to dedicate his life to destroying you for making him feel stupid.
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u/Artistic-Cannibalism 6d ago
Imagine shrieking about how patriotic you are and then turning around to mock someone for actually giving a damn about wounded veterans...
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u/CommunalBanana 6d ago
“I would never date Jon Stewart, he’s too short”
What a weird thing to randomly offer, Carlson
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u/Remarkable_Book3604 yeah, i'm that guy with 12 upvotes 6d ago
According to google jon Stewart is 5'7 pretty sure thats average height.
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u/TheMooseIsBlue 6d ago
I’m always surprised by this because I’m 5’9” and definitely feel like I’m shorter than most men.
Edit: CDC says the average American man (20+) is 5’9”. But I’d guess at 30+ it’s taller since many people may continue to grow after 20.
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u/Orenater 5d ago
He is rightly terrified of Jon Stewart, an intelligent, passionate advocate for doing what's right, running for political office. This is Fox News' first volley in short circuiting a rational political force unswayed by private interests. Trust me, the right DOES NOT want Jon running for office.
JStew24
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u/quillmartin88 5d ago
This brings us back to the weird fixation on height amongst alt-Reich dopes. Have you noticed that? They're like single moms on Tinder. In their world, you ain't nothing if you're not at least 6'3", or can fake it with lifts.
I seem to recall one of those YouTube debates amongst right wing jack offs that ended abruptly when Charlie Kirk noted that he was significantly taller than the man he was arguing with, and therefore correct. And then you have Ben Shapiro, whose idiotic takes never do him any harm but the moment you remind someone he's, at most, 5'4", he loses like a million viewers and Daily Wire stock tanks. It's insane.
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u/Swesteel 6d ago
And lo, it came to pass that Jon Stewart got mad. And verily did he smote the loathsome knave, Tucker the tanned, with a tounge sharpened by the angel Michael himself. And the people saw that it was a trueth murder, and hastened they to upvoteth such a post most rare.
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u/pnkflyd99 6d ago
Tucker Carlson looked like a little league player batting 0.100 (in little league) going to to bat against an MLB pitcher.
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u/Ironfist85hu 6d ago edited 6d ago
What a shameful day week month season year decade to be Hungarian.
Edit: not because of Stewart. Because of Orbán.
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u/infernalsatan 6d ago
The right: we love our soldiers and veterans.
Jon Stewart: helps veterans
The right: God damn leftists trying to destroy our country!?!?!
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u/Whhoopty 6d ago
Who’s Victor Orban?
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u/__snowjob__ 6d ago
All correct answers here, but take note, we’ll all be hearing about this fella more frequently. His politics and policies in Hungary are exactly what conservatives want here. He was at the conservative conference CPAC just this last week and also met with our twice impeached president whom is currently looking at indictments in two states.
I hope more people ask who he is. He’s a piece of shit who is no one’s friend but his own—just like all these conservative opportunists.
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u/schemabound 6d ago
The guy that essentially said racial purity is important for economic prosperity.
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u/Agahmoyzen 6d ago
Prime Minister of Hungary for the past decade. Extreme anti refugee, and lately going for alt right. Friend of Putin and Erdogan, list goes on.
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u/OldBeercan 6d ago •
The prime minister of Hungary and one of Putin's buddies. Ole Tuck Nuts has been praising him recently.
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u/IWalkAwayFromMyHell 6d ago
Because fascists are attempting to emulate his dismantling of Hungary's democracy. So they gotta slowly make him a Q celeb
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u/ccchaz 6d ago
My exhusband was “too short to date” and had a massive dick. I’ll never judge a man by his stature
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u/shadow1515 6d ago
But he's still an ex so you must have judged by something else.
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u/ccchaz 6d ago
Yea I got caught up in his huge dick and missed that he couldn’t keep it in his pants… probably because it was just so big it kept “accidentally” falling into pussy
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u/ArTiyme 5d ago
Most people are (rightly) thinking "What a childish prick Tucker is." And that's the point. He has nothing else. And I guarantee you're going to hear about how 'short' Jon Stewart is from conservatives for the next couple weeks because they literally lap this shit up like the literal bootlickers they are.
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u/SomethingIWontRegret 6d ago
Why would Jon Stewart date Tucker anyway. Jon's been married for 22 years to a lovely woman. Take your sour grapes elsewhere Tucker.
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u/KinkyKitty24 6d ago
Given the level of commitment and emotional investment that Jon Stewart has to a very important issue, I would bet MANY women would date him on that fact alone (can think of many more who would have sex with him as well).
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u/krufarong 6d ago
When someone (especially news reporters) trades shot with a comedian, I always look forward to the rebuttal.
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u/RandomUserName24680 5d ago
To short to date? He’s been married for 20 years. Just like Tucker to think being married is no reason to not have a dating life.
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u/StrangledMind 5d ago
Conventual wisdom is to not pick a public fight with a comedian. In this case, I would say, don't pick a fight with a comedian who you've been telling bad-faith lies about while your Party attacks him for *checks notes* trying to help veterans...
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u/ultraboykj 6d ago
This imbecile picking a fight with Jon Stewart will teach him a lesson in humility - if he can understand it.
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u/LeilaMajnouni 6d ago
Was Tucker Carlson going to date Jon Stewart if only Jon Stewart was taller?