r/MurderedByWords 6d ago Helpful 1

When a "burn" actually leaves your skin feeling better

Post image
28.5k Upvotes

710

u/LeilaMajnouni 6d ago

Was Tucker Carlson going to date Jon Stewart if only Jon Stewart was taller?

115

u/Shoondogg 6d ago

Only if the sexy m&m isn’t available

6

u/Snoo63 5d ago

What about stupid sexy Flanders?

→ More replies

144

u/The_R4ke 6d ago

It really sounds like that.

72

u/Pandoras_Fate 5d ago Gold

I'd imagine Ben Shapiro in his 5'6" glory was first dibs, but he was busy keeping his wife the same humidity as Arrakis.

  • as an aside I don't give a shit about height, and I wouldn't give a real person a hard time about it, but christofashnazis get no respect here*

17

u/ugglesftw 5d ago

“The same humidity as Arrakis.”

This sent me

→ More replies

72

u/hominoid_in_NGC4594 6d ago

Making a comment like that shows how deeply butthurt tucker still is that Jon Stewart fucking destroyed him on tv a while back. For real, that is some serious insecurity coming out of his mouth. That is something that a 12 year-old girl would say in an angry moment to a boy that made fun of her. Tucker is such a pussy.

116

u/[deleted] 5d ago

[deleted]

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

1.5k

u/saeres 6d ago

Tucker seems to still be reeling after the crossfire interview.

619

u/shadow1515 6d ago

Maybe it's time for Jon to just murder him in front of the camera again.

159

u/Dxxx2 5d ago

We're talking figuratively, right?

287

u/gdsmithtx 5d ago

.... sure.

178

u/omgangiepants 5d ago

For legal reasons, yes.

36

u/CoolPatioBro 5d ago

In Minecraft

17

u/bourbonstew 5d ago

Only because Tucker isn’t worth any kind of sacrifice by any real person.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

160

u/PhishinLine 5d ago

He never wore a bow tie after that segment.

87

u/Ihateyouranecdotes39 5d ago

Oh my God, that's delicious. Is that guest appearance really what motivated Tucker to give up the bowtie?!?

I want to believe.

73

u/Affectionate-Time646 5d ago

Tucker did change his whole media persona shtick after that. He was no longer the smiley, happy, laughing country bumpkin wholesome guy. He turned into an angry, yelling, propaganda spewing mouthpiece. It’s worked well and for him.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

426

u/squeezrfoam 6d ago

Sounds like Jon has been living in Tucker’s head rent free ever since that interview.

16 years by my count.

146

u/ravengenesis1 6d ago

PTSD is a life long mental illness if left untreated.

48

u/sinlightened 5d ago

Tucky must be on those VA benefits

Jk, that asshat's never served anything but bullshit

→ More replies

6

u/daversa 5d ago

Lol, i wouldn't doubt if it pops up in his head involuntarily sometimes.

53

u/PhishinLine 5d ago

Not just rent free, Jon is running the HOA in the tissue tucky calls a brain.

37

u/LumpyJones 5d ago

The man retired his (up until that point) signature bow ties after Stewart mocked them. The Salisbury Steak heir is fragile.

→ More replies

40

u/Kyocus 5d ago

I see people asking for a link. https://youtu.be/aFQFB5YpDZE

19

u/CapgrasDelusion 5d ago

"It'd be hard to top this group."

Woooooo buddy. Hello from the future.

→ More replies

8

u/likeaLivingdrug 5d ago

He murdered them! Ole Tuck got all butt hurt and threw a tantrum.. I love it!

5

u/Shastanna 5d ago

Jon calling Tucker a dick on live, national TV. That was AWESOME!

→ More replies

570

u/InsuranceToTheRescue 6d ago

Too short to date? Is that an actual insult? Holy shit, Cucker must have had to scrape the bottom of the barrel for that one.

202

u/SNStains 6d ago

He has no goddamn barrel. Rich brats are the least funny people on the planet.

80

u/theygotmedoinstuff 6d ago

Stan Marsh? More like Stan Darsh.. ⛷

125

u/mknsky 6d ago

Not to mention Jon's been married for like 20 something years.

34

u/c3ratopsvotech 6d ago

I was just thinking about that. Seems like his spouse would be the bigger issue than his height…

Edit:spelling, b/c i am neurotic

19

u/Minion_of_Cthulhu 6d ago

You say that as if assholes like Tucker would see that as a reason to not have a girlfriend or three on the side.

18

u/TheBirminghamBear 5d ago

He's been in a comitted marriage for 20 years and has two children.

Meanwhile the orange pants-shitting imbecile Tucker has worshipped at the feet of for the last 7 years has been divorced three fucking times, paid a pornstar to fuck him, and walks around in heels to appear taller while smearing orange makeup on his face like the world's ugliest clown to hide the fact he's old and has aged very badly.

Fuck these people.

26

u/PhoKit2 6d ago

I’ve been told that many times. It used to bother me. Not anymore

46

u/Author_Proxy 6d ago

I'm 5'4" and never had any trouble. Of the two exes who don't hate me, one is my height and the other was much taller. Like 6'2". There's something so sexy about a woman who towers over me like that.

55

u/wildwildwaste 6d ago

Snoo snoo?

59

u/InsuranceToTheRescue 6d ago

The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised.

18

u/Velvetsuede19 6d ago

"Baby, it'll blow your mind "

26

u/Author_Proxy 6d ago

Lots of snu snu. Just not in the shower. Nearly breaking my dick with her butt when she slipped and fell on me engenders a kind of trauma.

6

u/InsuranceToTheRescue 6d ago

Standing doggy or get swole and pick her up. I imagine, just like tall women are hot for you, that that would be hot for her since it so rarely happens.

7

u/Author_Proxy 6d ago

It was standing doggy, and at the time I could pick her up. She had to crouch down so our bits matched up and an enthusiastic thrust on my part made her slip and almost break my dick. I've been wary of shower sex ever since.

→ More replies

7

u/AwesomeAni 6d ago

Most of the guys I date are a couple inches shorter than me.

I'd rather smell their head than their armpits haha

→ More replies

6

u/TheOuts1der 6d ago

I’m 5’2” and my bf is 5’3”. ¯_(ツ)_/¯

13

u/Corgi_Koala 6d ago

Stewart has been married for literally over 20 years and is almost 60. I feel like he doesn't give a fuck how dateable he is.

16

u/bauhausy 5d ago

… while still being ridiculously dateable. Handsome fox that is in shape, aging gracefully and not trying to hide it, actually fights for what he stands for, has a well known heart of gold and is funny? Tracey McShane is a lucky woman.

→ More replies

8

u/ZQuestionSleep 5d ago

"Too short to date" to a married guy? This seems like something from Bob's Burgers where Jimmy Pesto stammers out a stupid, nonsensical insult and says, "Well... well I bet no one would date you!"

And Bob either calmly dead pans, "Well, I would hope so. I'm married." or crazily yelling with his voice cracking, "MY WIFE DATES ME!"

4

u/AwesomeAni 6d ago

My boyfriend is a short veteran and I found this insanely funny

→ More replies

1.7k

u/manncameron 6d ago edited 5d ago

Imagine being upset about helping vets that you attack physical looks of others. That’s when you know Jon won haha

Edit: grammar. Physics to physical

832

u/fusters81l 6d ago

What's worse is he attacked Jon Stewart while also insulting veterans and the homeless.

118

u/RockItGuyDC 6d ago

And the vertically challenged. His insults have some real grade school energy to them.

92

u/highbrowshow 6d ago

This reminds me of something i heard a long time ago. When someone starts attacking your appearance, you know they have no argument

39

u/RockItGuyDC 6d ago

It's very true. Unfortunately it's so frustrating to know just how many millions of adults out there just don't care, though, as long as it's their team doing the attacking.

→ More replies

9

u/myburdentobear 6d ago

And those with mental illness.

406

u/APence 6d ago

On the highest watched show on the most watched “news” network in America.

We’re fucking doomed and we deserve it.

The fact that vomit pile of hate, bile, and fear is not only a show that still gets viewers and sponsors but also that that bow tie wearing racist twerp is a legitimate contender for the presidency is a goddamn travesty.

184

u/Clohossey 6d ago

Don't forget his writers keep turning out to be nazis.

95

u/Feldar 6d ago

Wait, people write that shit? That self-contradictory word vomit is intentionally prepared ahead of time? By actual humans? I assumed it was stream of consciousness from Fucker Tarlson's demented brain.

71

u/Brianocity 6d ago

See, that's why you shouldn't assume. Tucker doesn't have a brain, demented or otherwise. Just a gerbil running on a little wheel. When he stops blathering is when the gerbil is resting, that's when the slack jawed blank stare of a lobotomite in a suit comes out.

That gerbil is the hardest worker at all of Fox "News" by a mile, and no one ever gives the poor little guy credit.

11

u/Tripl3_Nipple_Sack 5d ago

Lobotomite…when you’re right, you’re right 😂

→ More replies

15

u/Clohossey 6d ago

Nope, you gotta be careful with your wording so you can get your dog whistles in while still having public deniability. One quick example

Edit: forgot how to hyperlink

8

u/odin_the_wiggler 6d ago

The writer's room for Tucker Carlson and the HQ for Patriot Front are the same place.

7

u/Wohholyhell 6d ago

Please. He's too busy depositing checks to worry about such mundane trivialities.

→ More replies

10

u/moeburn 5d ago

Wasn't this a plot point in Succession?

Something about their top news host holding their wedding atop the Eagle's Nest, and having a German Shepherd dog named Blondi, and he's like "no but it's okay cause we spell it with an 'e' at the end".

47

u/Bombocat 6d ago

Now now, he doesn't wear bowties anymore

45

u/johncarlo08 6d ago

Of course not, jon made sure if that lol

6

u/GhOsT_wRiTeR_XVI 6d ago

Jon is not his fucking monkey!

edit

80

u/Deathspiral222 6d ago

On the highest watched show on the most watched “news” network in America.

Almost no one watches TV any more. The only ones that do are mostly in their seventies. Tucker Carlson averages about three million viewers. That's far less than 1% of America and yet this is the number one show on the number one network?

Compare that to someone like Joe Rogan who averages four times that many listeners per episode.

Boasting about TV ratings in 2022 is like boasting about how popular your gramaphone record sales are. No one gives a shit any more and every single day those numbers decrease as the core audience dies off.

42

u/SparksThirteenFour 6d ago

It may not seem like much at the moment, but the damage wrought by that fascist propaganda channel over the last 30 years is immeasurable...remember that for most of its existence, it was the preferred medium.

9

u/mrbubblesort 5d ago

It may not seem like much at the moment

Bush & Trump presidency, Iraq war, Jan 6th, Covid response ... lol jesus dude, what future world are you in where that's "not much"? I'm scared :P

43

u/haerski 6d ago

Tucker Carlson averages about three million viewers....Joe Rogan who averages four times that many listeners per episode.

And therein lies the problem

36

u/Deathspiral222 6d ago

Both are peddlers of nonsense but only one of them lists their profession as "comedian".

28

u/haerski 6d ago

And both, albeit neither, are.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

5

u/Hekidayo 6d ago

And when the rest of us watch this unfold from the outside of the United States, we wonder if there’s anything that can be done from the inside. It’s like a dumpster fire that just keeps getting worse…

→ More replies
→ More replies

15

u/TripleB33_v2 6d ago

And also admitted he would date him if he was taller

10

u/indysgill77 6d ago

Aren't there some vets who love Tucker?

Wonder how much they hate themselves.

6

u/highbrowshow 6d ago

Like tucker cares about insulting the homeless or the vets

5

u/2th 6d ago

Tucker doesn't care. The homeless aren't actual people to him and his Swanson money.

9

u/Zakkana 6d ago

And a lot of veterans are.... homeless

3

u/Mike 6d ago

And short people. Don’t forget short people.

→ More replies

198

u/dumb_smart_guy93 6d ago

Honestly he's probably still super salty that Jon got his show on CNN cancelled 15 years ago and made fun of his bowtie. On a side note, Jon is aging about as normally as person would expect. He's got the same lines and wrinkles as my dad who is about the same age and he still looks pretty healthy. The insecure one is Tucker who needs to keep dying his hair and getting Botox while in his 50s.

I will never not enjoy this:

Jon Stewart almost makes a grown man cry

62

u/Pscilosopher 6d ago

That was worth the 14 minute watch. Stewart is better off the dome than most comics' written material.

39

u/untitled13 6d ago

Thought the same thing, he’s still numb from the waist down from getting absolutely reamed by Jon all those years ago.

41

u/phleck7 6d ago

I watched that clip right afterwards. So good. No high-roads for Tucky. Rob Corddry said that John Stuart told him he was hangry when he went on Crossfire: …’him not eating breakfast that day got a show canceled’

31

u/Courageous_Chameleon 6d ago

He has to maintain the look of a haunted ventriloquist's puppet. It's his brand.

13

u/Asgarus 6d ago

So Tucker looked stupid even back then.

48

u/TuftedWitmouse 6d ago

Why in the world would you pick a fight with Jon Stewart? Let me know who digs up Cucker Tarlson.

21

u/warbeforepeace 6d ago

The same prick who talks about how everyone else is unqualified or not had a real job so they can’t talk about energy, the economy and other things. This jackass failed out of school and became a shorty journalist until he found the only network that would take him.

13

u/mtnmadness84 5d ago

Yeah that was my thought. Why you’d put yourself in a good comedian’s crosshairs is beyond me. Well—self flagellation is all I can come up with. Now I’m sure Tucker’s got a secret humiliation fetish. Only logical explanation.

→ More replies

7

u/ThePopeofHell 5d ago

This has nothing to do with veterans. Jon Stewart could cure every illness tomorrow and Tucker would be on tv later that day questioning “..but what about the doctors, Jon?”

19

u/The_R4ke 6d ago

This also makes it sound like Tucker Carlson dates men, which is fine, but probably not what he was going for.

12

u/JayNotAtAll 5d ago

I am now convinced that if you are a Republican in 2022, you are an asshole.

→ More replies

1.4k

u/TheMooseIsBlue 6d ago Helpful

Just to catch everyone up on this story, conservatives are ripping Jon Stewart for fighting for the rights of gay, communist, antifa, non-GMO, organic avocado-toast eating, millennial pedophiliac, abortion doctors.

Oh wait, no. It was veterans. Stewart was helping veterans.

828

u/pikpikcarrotmon 6d ago Wholesome

To them, veterans are soldiers who outlived their usefulness.

228

u/Feisty-Donkey 6d ago

Why is this so true

177

u/Jasper455 6d ago

Because it is the party of I: meaning everything is viewed as to how it impacts them, specifically. A soldier can keep them safe, a veteran costs them money. A fetus must be protected, unless it is their fetus… etc.

53

u/The_Space_Jamke 5d ago

And yet Republicans wonder why army recruitment is dipping. It couldn't be that forever wars are super unpopular because young men and women have been treated as meat shields on the field and tossed onto the streets after they come off it for the last century.

24

u/CoolPatioBro 5d ago

But ... But .... Thank you for your service?! That's the best we can do for veterans!

20

u/TBCNoah 5d ago

AND A DISCOUNT AT APPLEBEES YOU DAMN COMMIE!!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!

10

u/edafade 5d ago

They aren't treated as meat shields. That implies they are defending something. Our military is used as aggressors to secure governments friendly to our country, which in turns gives us better deals for commodities like oil.

4

u/523bucketsofducks 5d ago

A fetus is innocent, but once it is born it has sin according to these braindead fuckclowns. That's why the religious fucks won't help anyone.

→ More replies

18

u/Feezec 5d ago

People are squishy and complain when you stand on them to climb higher. Caskets are firm and stackable when you want to climb higher

22

u/I_kickflipped_my_dog 6d ago

Because, my sweet summer babe, they are no longer a talking point for their cause.

Also oil.

61

u/WhyBuyMe 6d ago

"I like soldiers who weren't poisoned by giant toxic clouds billowing off the flaming trash piles the US has scattered across Iraq and Afghanistan.

35

u/Kaminohanshin 6d ago

An actual former US marine described veterans and soldiers as 'Disposable Heroes' and its honestly an apt description. Put them on and throw them off when you're done with them.

(iirc I think it was one of MikeBurnFire's campfire stories where he and his army vet buddy were talking about their times serving?)

16

u/cammoblammo 6d ago

Isn’t Disposable Heroes a Metallica song?

11

u/Kaminohanshin 6d ago

A quick google search says yes

→ More replies

9

u/ismyworkaccountok 6d ago

By actual former US marine, do you mean Metallica?

→ More replies

25

u/bobbybox 6d ago

And let me guess, these veterans want help from the government??!

24

u/philintheup 6d ago

Not entirely fair. We also make excellent props for photo ops and parades so they can fool their constituents into believing they care about veterans.

7

u/Zero99th 5d ago

Much like children.. Once they've been born they've served their purpose.

→ More replies

101

u/warbeforepeace 6d ago edited 5d ago

Tucker is just angry John Stewart made all his friends look stupid. He did it without even calling him stupid. He did something that Tucker is unfamiliar with. He used facts to explain why they are horrible instead of factless name calling.

51

u/Sasquatch-d 6d ago

Conservatives are just stockpiling the libs with quality election ads at this point. How much worse can you look than high-fiving about fucking veterans?

45

u/JustinHopewell 6d ago

I don't even know what you can say on an election ad to dissuade right wing voters at this point. They fucking made Donald Trump the president of the United States, tried to do it a second time, and then tried to overturn the election when he lost. All that for a piece of shit wannabe dictator practically covered from head to toe in red flags.

27

u/Sasquatch-d 6d ago

It’s hard to believe but even during the 2020 election there were swaths of undecided voters who are easily swayed by ads put out by politicians. Some people just don’t keep up with current events, even in the craziest political timeline in our lifetimes.

→ More replies
→ More replies

9

u/SexyCheeseburger0911 6d ago

I remember when conservatives still pretended to care about veterans who they weren't related to.

8

u/ravengenesis1 6d ago

Vets are losers who never died for what they fought for. - GOP front runner

7

u/Express-Accountant75 5d ago

I always find it ironic how much conservatives love Rambo. I don’t think they know what it’s about.

6

u/TheMooseIsBlue 5d ago

That kinda their MO with all popular culture.

12

u/Qubeye 6d ago edited 5d ago

Not just* veterans. Veterans who actively served in Afghanistan and Iraq during the wars and are disabled.

(I am a veteran and I am in no way trying to qualify or undermine Jon's work, I just feel compelled to point out that this is an exceptional, particular group he's helping.)

6

u/Ok_Faithlessness_259 5d ago

I think you just worded it strangely. I think people thought you were saying that he wasn't trying to help veterans at all when in fact you were trying to say that not only was trying to help veterans, but disabled ones.

→ More replies
→ More replies

321

u/tmbmad 6d ago

I think tucker is still just bitter because of the lashing he took from John on crossfire, John ruined tuckers career in one night, and it took the ridiculousness of fox viewers to bring him back.

98

u/twohourangrynap 6d ago

He’s still upset about the bow ties.

46

u/Minion_of_Cthulhu 6d ago

You should never come between a man and his bow ties, or between a sentient slime mold and its bow ties in Tucker's case.

55

u/twohourangrynap 6d ago edited 5d ago

I just imagine him strolling into his walk-in closet and past his rack of bow ties. Out of habit, he reaches a hand toward one, then stops. He clenches his hand into a fist and hangs his head, squeezing his eyes shut.

“Damn you, Jon Stewart,” he whispers hoarsely; “damn you to hell.”

19

u/ittybittylilbeth 6d ago

That's an insult to slime molds, which are actually pretty cool organisms

→ More replies
→ More replies

83

u/IWearBones138 6d ago

Tucker really shouldn't talk when it looks like his mother still dresses him every morning.

50

u/ManeSix1993 6d ago

It's funny that you say that, because his mother died, and only left him and his brother $1 in her will 😂

35

u/AgentUnknown821 6d ago

That's what you are required to do while making up your wills so people like Tucker can't contest it in court.

25

u/Minion_of_Cthulhu 6d ago

That's terrible. He deserved more than that. Something like "$1 and the contents of my beloved Fluffy's litter box."

25

u/CactusBathtub 6d ago

Yeah that's actually exactly what you do. To avoid a will or trust being contested, you specifically state that the person you don't want getting anything recieves $1. That way when the estate disperses that idiot won't be able to tie it up in court by saying that Mommy obviously forgot about him since she left him entirely out of the document.

Fuck Tucker.

64

u/icansmellcolors 6d ago edited 5d ago

Tucker got his original show, Crossfire, taken out by Stewart back in 04'. Back when Tucky wore bowties because he thought it made him look conservative.

https://uproxx.com/viral/jon-stewarts-tucker-carlson-2004-crossfire/

He's had it out for John ever since.

36

u/azthemansays 6d ago

Stewart burned Tucker so badly that he never wore a bow tie again... Good times.

6

u/kryptonianCodeMonkey 5d ago

I love that the audience that came to watch a Crossfire taping so presumably actually likes the show was losing it with applause and laughter over Jon's unyielding criticism and honesty

→ More replies

262

u/static1053 6d ago

To short to date? Are the Republicans just made completely out of 13 year old boys?

34

u/Squirrel009 5d ago

I aspire to be as civil and generous as you are when estimating the intelligence and maturity of the average Republican

→ More replies

52

u/Sensate60 6d ago

Pretty much...

→ More replies

162

u/balloonslayer47 6d ago

I think Jon Stewart being married is keeping him from dating rather than his height. But that's just me.

67

u/dman928 6d ago

His wife is Tracy McShane. Yeah, he's slumming it. /s

Fucker Carlson is what you get when a country club toilet becomes sentient

12

u/Lunarshotlabs 6d ago

yo this is my favorite dunk on Carlson yet. Thanks for the laugh on a Friday afternoon.

9

u/aManPerson 6d ago

i knew he was married. didn't know her name. just looked her up. she seems like a normal person, involved with veterinarian things (and other animal rights stuff). not slumming it at all, but she seems like a pretty normal person. he's not married to a celebrity, but i'm guessing he's pretty happy with her since he's not married to a celebrity. and since it hasn't fallen apart in some big scandal or anything, i'm guessing they have a very fullfilling time with each other.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

50

u/GloomyAd2653 6d ago

I find that Jon is an extremely good looking gentleman. He shows his age, which is natural. Besides the physical, he has a beautiful soul.

Tuck would be lucky to grace the bottom of Jon’s shoes.

18

u/FishyBricky 5d ago

Many women would fuck John Stewart, myself included. He’s handsome, funny, smart, and kind.

Tucker on the other hand…🦗

13

u/SarcasticSilvenstar 6d ago

I briefly met him in person back in 2001, when my ship was in NYC. He's a really nice guy and even let the group of us take a pic on the Daily Show set.

42

u/Crash665 6d ago

If there is one person I wouldn't try to one up, it's Jon Stewart.

Also, fuck Tucker Carlson

6

u/-i-like-meme 5d ago

More like Fucker Carlson

→ More replies

32

u/Bahmerman 6d ago

What does John Stewart give a shit about being "date-able"? Isn't he married with two kids?

Edit: I mean, Google says he's still married with 2 kids.

→ More replies

24

u/IWearBones138 6d ago

Appareances. That's what Tucker is attacking. Literally how a person looks. These are grown ass adults throwing around grade school insults.

"Yeah well, you're ugly. And short, fartknocker."

70

u/phleck7 6d ago

I never feel bad when anyone is making fun of Tucky. In my mind’s eye he will always be a little trust-fund kid with a bow tie. I was seriously astonished when I found out his height but he will always be that twerp with that expression of ‘duh’ with his head tilted…. Don’t battle wits with John Stuart, boy.

27

u/Heliocentrist 6d ago

Tucky looks like a kid wondering how you pulled that coin out of his ear

12

u/Minion_of_Cthulhu 6d ago

Except that instead of being astonished by it he's pissed off that he can't figure out how you did it and is in the process of deciding to dedicate his life to destroying you for making him feel stupid.

18

u/Artistic-Cannibalism 6d ago

Imagine shrieking about how patriotic you are and then turning around to mock someone for actually giving a damn about wounded veterans...

19

u/CommunalBanana 6d ago

“I would never date Jon Stewart, he’s too short”

What a weird thing to randomly offer, Carlson

50

u/Remarkable_Book3604 yeah, i'm that guy with 12 upvotes 6d ago

According to google jon Stewart is 5'7 pretty sure thats average height.

24

u/TheMooseIsBlue 6d ago

I’m always surprised by this because I’m 5’9” and definitely feel like I’m shorter than most men.

Edit: CDC says the average American man (20+) is 5’9”. But I’d guess at 30+ it’s taller since many people may continue to grow after 20.

→ More replies

10

u/ForensicFiler 6d ago

I wouldve guess 5'10 was average

→ More replies

14

u/Orenater 5d ago

He is rightly terrified of Jon Stewart, an intelligent, passionate advocate for doing what's right, running for political office. This is Fox News' first volley in short circuiting a rational political force unswayed by private interests. Trust me, the right DOES NOT want Jon running for office.

JStew24

14

u/quillmartin88 5d ago

This brings us back to the weird fixation on height amongst alt-Reich dopes. Have you noticed that? They're like single moms on Tinder. In their world, you ain't nothing if you're not at least 6'3", or can fake it with lifts.

I seem to recall one of those YouTube debates amongst right wing jack offs that ended abruptly when Charlie Kirk noted that he was significantly taller than the man he was arguing with, and therefore correct. And then you have Ben Shapiro, whose idiotic takes never do him any harm but the moment you remind someone he's, at most, 5'4", he loses like a million viewers and Daily Wire stock tanks. It's insane.

→ More replies

11

u/Swesteel 6d ago

And lo, it came to pass that Jon Stewart got mad. And verily did he smote the loathsome knave, Tucker the tanned, with a tounge sharpened by the angel Michael himself. And the people saw that it was a trueth murder, and hastened they to upvoteth such a post most rare.

28

u/pnkflyd99 6d ago

Tucker Carlson looked like a little league player batting 0.100 (in little league) going to to bat against an MLB pitcher.

19

u/zjm555 6d ago

"I know, let me insult a beloved comedian"

→ More replies

26

u/Ironfist85hu 6d ago edited 6d ago

What a shameful day week month season year decade to be Hungarian.

Edit: not because of Stewart. Because of Orbán.

8

u/Tsugirai 6d ago

Poor goulash really didn't deserve that :(

8

u/infernalsatan 6d ago

The right: we love our soldiers and veterans.

Jon Stewart: helps veterans

The right: God damn leftists trying to destroy our country!?!?!

33

u/Whhoopty 6d ago

Who’s Victor Orban?

30

u/__snowjob__ 6d ago

All correct answers here, but take note, we’ll all be hearing about this fella more frequently. His politics and policies in Hungary are exactly what conservatives want here. He was at the conservative conference CPAC just this last week and also met with our twice impeached president whom is currently looking at indictments in two states.

I hope more people ask who he is. He’s a piece of shit who is no one’s friend but his own—just like all these conservative opportunists.

10

u/FuzzyBacon 6d ago

Wasn't CPAC in Hungary last year?

5

u/oiuvnp 6d ago

This is highly disturbing.

18

u/schemabound 6d ago

The guy that essentially said racial purity is important for economic prosperity.

46

u/Agahmoyzen 6d ago

Prime Minister of Hungary for the past decade. Extreme anti refugee, and lately going for alt right. Friend of Putin and Erdogan, list goes on.

36

u/OldBeercan 6d ago Helpful

The prime minister of Hungary and one of Putin's buddies. Ole Tuck Nuts has been praising him recently.

14

u/IWalkAwayFromMyHell 6d ago

Because fascists are attempting to emulate his dismantling of Hungary's democracy. So they gotta slowly make him a Q celeb

18

u/AndreiLD 6d ago

Hungary's dictator

4

u/oiuvnp 6d ago

He's the autocratic model of what Trump and his supporters want the U.S. to become.

→ More replies

8

u/deezsandwitches 6d ago

So if Jon was taller tucker would date him?

53

u/ccchaz 6d ago

My exhusband was “too short to date” and had a massive dick. I’ll never judge a man by his stature

49

u/nix-xon 6d ago

A tripod, if you will

4

u/cptjpk 5d ago

Like a babies arm holding an apple

7

u/shadow1515 6d ago

But he's still an ex so you must have judged by something else.

29

u/ccchaz 6d ago

Yea I got caught up in his huge dick and missed that he couldn’t keep it in his pants… probably because it was just so big it kept “accidentally” falling into pussy

→ More replies

8

u/ArTiyme 5d ago

Most people are (rightly) thinking "What a childish prick Tucker is." And that's the point. He has nothing else. And I guarantee you're going to hear about how 'short' Jon Stewart is from conservatives for the next couple weeks because they literally lap this shit up like the literal bootlickers they are.

12

u/Grzechoooo 6d ago

Goulash is super tasty. I recommend it.

→ More replies

4

u/SomethingIWontRegret 6d ago

Why would Jon Stewart date Tucker anyway. Jon's been married for 22 years to a lovely woman. Take your sour grapes elsewhere Tucker.

4

u/Sp00kyMango 6d ago

How u gonna go after Stewart and not expect to get rolled and smoked.

3

u/KinkyKitty24 6d ago

Given the level of commitment and emotional investment that Jon Stewart has to a very important issue, I would bet MANY women would date him on that fact alone (can think of many more who would have sex with him as well).

→ More replies

4

u/krufarong 6d ago

When someone (especially news reporters) trades shot with a comedian, I always look forward to the rebuttal.

5

u/RandomUserName24680 5d ago

To short to date? He’s been married for 20 years. Just like Tucker to think being married is no reason to not have a dating life.

4

u/StrangledMind 5d ago

Conventual wisdom is to not pick a public fight with a comedian. In this case, I would say, don't pick a fight with a comedian who you've been telling bad-faith lies about while your Party attacks him for *checks notes* trying to help veterans...

3

u/ultraboykj 6d ago

This imbecile picking a fight with Jon Stewart will teach him a lesson in humility - if he can understand it.

3

u/Nackles 6d ago

"So you're saying you only prefer tall guys, Tucker?"

→ More replies